


It's Okay.

by rqtsuu_u



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29267955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rqtsuu_u/pseuds/rqtsuu_u
Summary: This is just a stupid vent fic. Feel free to read if you want to, idc.





	It's Okay.

My body feels heavier with each day that passes, like it's dragging me down to the ground. 

These days it's even exhausting to breathe. My lungs burn from the effort and my limbs shake with exhaustion as I plaster on a fake smile and say I'm fine. 

Oh how easy it is to lie.

Just a small smile and a confident "I'm okay." to convince everyone. 

Maybe they know I'm not okay, and are too tired to care.

I feel myself slipping away into the darkness that lingers in my mind. It's an ever-present force that won't leave me alone, no matter how hard I scream, cry and beg. 

The want to end my life is overwhelming. I drown in my own thoughts as I lay in bed at night, thinking about the person I used to be. 

I wish I could be that person again. 

I've lost myself. I can't go back, no matter how hard I pray for everything to be okay. That I'll be okay. 

It's foolish really, to believe something like this can be fixed overnight. There's no going back to what I used to be anymore. 

It's impossible.

My throat closes up and I choke on my words when I try to ask for help.

I joke about killing myself and harming myself, but it's all a cry for help.

A soundless cry wrapped up in fake smiles and empty promises. I'm tearing myself apart every day as I wake up. Even opening up my eyes in the morning is a chore now.

It's so hard.

Everything is hard. 

I cry until my head pounds and throat becomes dry, my eyes red and swollen as I stare at the starry night sky.

My only comfort is music and the night sky. It's a dark sea dusted with stars, sparkling in the dark as the clouds slowly drift by. It's a calming scene, the hidden beauty in such a simple thing. 

Oh how I long to be up there. Just soundlesly drifting away as I finally can close my eyes and find inner peace. 

I'll only find that peace when I'm dead.

God knws how many times I've convinced myself I'm doing it and dreamed about it. Just silently laying on the floor as the light dims in my eyes, the voices quieting down in my head as I slowly drift away. 

I fall apart more each day I spend on this planet. But I can't leave, not yet. I don't want to hurt my loved ones, even if they'd be happier with me gone. 

My arms ache and burn with the strain as I do anything. The scars and wounds are ever-present reminders of how bad I've gotten. 

I'm trying, I swear. 

I just want to give up. 

My eyes are dull as I zone out whatever is spoken around me. The voices in my head are overwhelming as I just sit there, my left hand cradling my jaw is I stare blankly ahead. 

I feel numb. 

How can someone so young feel so empty and worthless?

I die on the inside but I still stand. 

I'm fighting a long war against myself.

I want to survive, and want to help others survive.

We all deserve a happy ending.


End file.
